You know it's so strange being home and having my own bedroom and doing NOTHING all day. I thought I would like it, but I'm getting bored. lol Yes, you can say "I told you so", Mom.

California is WONDERFUL. We've had beautiful weather (like 80 degrees every day) which I never would have expected. I wish it would stay like this all summer... Except it won't.

And then there's my job. Ugh. I'm so sick of job hunting. I've applied at like 15+ places. PF Chang's sounded sort of interested in hiring me, so did Elephant Bar. BJs hated me and all the other applicants there, and CPK was just way to overwhelmed to be hiring. lol These sound like people, not restaurants. I have a job right now with the City of Bakersfield as a program leader for this children's summer day camp, but I'm not even sure how late in the summer that's going to start, and if I want to even have the option of going back to BYU for summer term I need to be making money like right now.

I've been texting BYU friends like C and Warrenzo and Ross and Josh Schmidt and assorted others from time to time, it's just so boring without them!

My fam is great. :) They're always at school and baseball and swim practice and violin/piano lessons so I don't see them very much. But we had some much needed sister bonding last weekend when we went to go see "17 Again", and that was super fun. I'm going to their swim meet later this afternoon. And Dallin's baseball games are AWESOME! He is by far the best pitcher on his team, and he got all 6 outs in the first 2 innings of their last game, either striking them out or getting the grounders. No one got past 2nd base. At the end of the game he got the game ball, which all his cute little teammates signed, it was so cool to be there. On Wednesday, I went to Institute with my dad (BLAH!) and that was basically terrible, but it was good to spend time with him and drink WinCo Chocolate Milk afterwards to help him get rid of his heartburn lol

Newfound ambition for this summer- I REEEEEEALLY want to go see The Fray in Irvine at the end of July. They're playing with Jack's Mannequin (not my favorite, but still, they would be ok) and so Jaime really wants to go too. Now this weekend my mission is to convince my parents to let me drive to LA to see them. :) I think I can do it. And tickets are only $36!! And those are for ACTUAL seats, the lawn seats are only $26, but I figured for the extra $10 we could have real seats and not be fighting people to actually see the stage.

But other than that life is kind of boring sitting at home. I never in a million years thought I'd say that about home, but I don't do anything. It's really strange to just sit and have zero things to do. I'm excited for fall to come again.

4/21/09
Today was the beginning of the end. Josh and MB left today. They were two of my very best friends. And I may never see them again. Warren, Heidi, Kenna, and MC are all leaving tomorrow as well, but I’ll see them around next year. But we went to say goodbye to MatthewBean as his mom and brother helped him pack up some final things and clean the house. I started crying. I kind of thought I might, but I was sort of surprised too. And then after he left Aaron and Josh were pseudo-crying because MatthewBean was gone. Except I felt like they were making fun of me for really crying, but they probably didn’t even know I was. And then JoshWallace came over because Kenna was going to cook his halibut for him. After he’d been there a while he asked, “Hey Haley did you say goodbye to Josh?” I panicked. H and I ran over to their apartment while I texted him to see if he’d left yet. JW said that when he left the apartment, Jacque was just doing his cleaning check so he could leave. I finally got a reply.
Josh- 6:27pm “Yeah sorry Haley”
I didn’t reply.
Josh-6:30pm “Are you mad at me?” Because he knows I always text back.
Haley-6:39pm “A little bit. I’m sure you were in a hurry. I’m just sad more than anything.” Biggest lie EVER I was furiously upset
Josh- 6:40pm “I’m sorry Haley. ☹ Maybe I’ll be able to visit sometime.” The second biggest lie ever. I would bet on my life that he won’t even consider coming to visit me.
I didn’t reply.
I just had to sit in my closet and cry. For almost 2 hours. I texted Ross too and told him that he had better not leave without saying goodbye to me. I kind of told him my situation, but sympathy and accurate story telling are hard through texting.
But I can’t remember the last time I cried that hard. Maybe when my parents told me we were moving to Hanford? Or at least at some point during the Hanford experience. Maybe not even then though. I didn’t even cry this much when my grandpa died. This was like intense sobbing. And I couldn’t make it stop. And I looked disgusting.
When Warren came over to say his goodbyes because he’s leaving early tomorrow morning, I had to walk away because I lost it again. Uncontrollable sobbing. But K came and hugged me and that helped.
But seriously. Worst. Day. Ever.
I can’t imagine BYU without these boys.
I’m probably over exaggerating at the moment, but it’s so much easier than facing the truth. I want to live in my past. I want to live my Freshman year again.
Theme songs:
“Why Do All Good Things Come to an End” by Nelly Furtado. Not a good song to prevent crying though.
“If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback. It has my favorite Robert Frost quote in it. The one about taking the road less travelled by. And it talks about leaving your fears behind. Saying goodbye to yesterday and live each moment like it’s your last, but loving your memories.

Oh wait, that's everyday of my life.

Okay, so my life is going pretty great. Except for one thing in particular. It's not even a big deal, it's just SUPER annoying.
So here is my version of "If I Were a Boy" by the one and only Beyonce (no, Jaime, not your bunny rabbit).

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning,
Throw on what I wanted and go.

Work out at the gym
And avoid every girl
I would play basketball all day
And I'd never get confronted for it
'Cause I'd kill if you did.

If I were a boy
I think I could read the signs
When a girl is obviously smitten,
I'd be lots less oblivious.

I'd listen to her
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you try your very hardest
To be a potential gf...
And everything you do is in vain.

It's a little too late for us to go out.
Say it's just a mistake
Think I would date you like that
If you thought I would wait for you,
You thought wrong.

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
And you don't understand, oh
What it means to read her signals
Someday you wish you were less of an idiot!

You don't listen to her.
You don't care how it hurts.
Until you try your very hardest
To be a potential bf...
And everything you do is in vain.
But you're just a boy.

That's it. SO much to do and I just wanted to be distracted for a minute.
But while I'm distracted, let's make a list of everything I have to get done in the next less-than-two weeks.
1) Do 10000 extra credit assignments for Psychology/Music 202/Government. Be a test subject, go to the MOA, go to Easter Conferences, write papers, etc.
2) Read this DUMB chapter for Government. I was super proud of myself because I read it yesterday (or, so I thought) but then I looked again and I read the WRONG chapter. So 50+ pages of my life wasted, and 40+ pages still to go.
3) Take a test. for Religion. Not too hard, but I still have to study.
4) START studying for said test.
5) Start studying for another test next week in Music 202. Aka start listening to a ton of strange 1900s classical music that just sounds like ugly screeching cars to me.
6) Start studying for my zillion finals. Actually four, but I still should have been studying a looong time ago.
7) Figure out when all the review sessions for these finals are going to be and somehow work them in to this schedule.

Things I got done/Fun things in my life
1) Divine Comedy/Pizza Party tomorrow night for all BYUSA volunteers! :)
2) I bought an Easter dress and white heels! Go Easter!

Just add a cute white shrug sweater and brand-spankin' new white heels. :)
3) I watched Prince Caspian (aka Kenna's new boyfriend hahaha) with Ross. It was fun/funny. I forgot how much I liked that movie. And we ate chicken noodle soup/macaroni and cheese for lunch/dinner (linner? dunch?). In other words, he ate chicken noodle soup and my leftover macaroni.
4) I went to a bomb-awesome (can I say "bawesome"? I feel like that should be a word) devo this morning. BYU Combined Choirs performed. Uh. Maze. Ing.
5) Went to one review session :) Only a katrillion more to go.
6) Yesterday I went to this fireside for severely elderly people. And it was the FUNNIEST thing I've ever been to in my entire life. So many great great great old ladies with the best, randomest comments. Seriously, when I grow up I want to be a senial tiny old lady with no cares in the world and obsess over gypsies.
7) Got a new swimsuit!! My mom found it, and sent it to me in my enormous Easter Basket!! :) AKA- if anyone finds a reason to go to the Hot Springs, PLEASE let me know, kay?

Things I wish I was doing
1) Homework (well, not wishing I was doing it, but wishing it was done. But I don't even have that much.)
2) Playing with my family at the beach. Even if it is raining. And I DESPERATELY want to play horseshoes with AJ! :(
3) Eating dinner. Because I ate at like 3pm which was my lunch and now I'm starving again but have an appetite for nothing.
4) Playing in general. Or singing in a car somewhere. Or shopping.
5) Listening to the "Journey Bible" that Aubre let me borrow yesterday that I stupidly left in her car. Saddest thing EVER.
6) Dancing at Studio 600. Because tonight was FREE but it was only country dancing (bleh) so we didn't go.
7) Ummmmmmmm.... cuddling. But that sounds dumb.

So Sunday night, I deleted someone's phone number. Yes, I never EVER thought I would resort to it, but I did.
It wasn't like I was mad or angry or frustrated with them, I was more upset at mySELF for still talking to them when I knew I shouldn't or I knew he wouldn't want me to.
Yes, he
Of course it was a boy, why else would I do it?!
So he's a really cute boy. And he'll go nameless for a while. C, don't you DARE comment on this. (AKA C knows everything about this already. Actually, all my roommates do) But I felt like I was being totally and absolutely annoying about everything. Like he didn't really want to talk to me. Which he probably didn't (and still maybe doesn't) but he's too nice not to. I got my hopes up for this boy and now, when he goes on dates with other girls, I get sad?! Who do I think I am?! Seriously. We were nothing. I'm probably still nothing to him. Maybe no more than a friend. Maybe not even that. Who knows. Who cares. Not him.

And here I am. Sitting in the library. With him.
What. The. Heck. Am. I. Doing.
Obviously he's not reading this post.

But C helped me do it. She went through my call list and my outbox (something I unintentionally forgot to do) and deleted him from there as well. Smart move C.

and then it happened.
He texted me this afternoon.
And now I'm sitting here. In the library. While he's writing a paper and I'm writing a paper and neither of us is talking even though we're in the No-Shh Zone.
Stu.Pid. Me.
I hate this.
How do you fall out of "like", MB?
Because I would really truly love to know.

Theme soooooooooooong!
Basically anything by Journey. C and I have been joking lately that Journey is taking over Siberia. We've seriously had an obsession.
Or "For Me This is Heaven" by Jimmy Eat World. Not appropriate in any way shape or form.
I am raaaaaaaaaaaambling.
Lo siento.

Weirdest dream EVER. This happened like 2 weeks ago.
So I was auditioning for the School of Dance at BYU in this dance studio. My mom was there trying to help me and coach me and such. I couldn’t do much, considering I haven’t danced in FOREVER. Like seriously danced anyway, like ballet-style. But I didn’t do ballet anymore so I had on Jazz pants and jazz shoes instead of ballet shoes and a leotard/tights. I was almost physically incapable of pointing my foot. Which was weird.
So then Josh was there…. Auditioning for the School of Magic (?!?) at BYU. Yeah, since we have one of those…. As I’m trying to practice for the audition, Josh grabbed my hand while I’m doing a pirouette and spins me forever. But somehow it worked, and it looked cool.
So we ended up auditioning together… Since magic and dance coincide for some reason… Whatever. And I think I was daydreaming in my dream because then we flashed forward like 10 years in the future where Josh was this amazing famous magician and I was his assistant, but I was like ballerina-ing across the stage while he was doing magic tricks.

Then, as part of the audition maybe, the ballerinas were asked to pose like different Neoclassical statues. I posed like this statue of Mary that (in my dream) I recognized and knew, but now that I think about it, there are zero statues like that I remember from my humanities and music 202 classes. And apparently I was super flexible because I could do all these great things and poses. And I was a significantly better dancer in my dream. Like, even when I messed up or wasn’t as good as the others, I could still make it look good and clean and artistic.
So then the audition ended, and Josh started walking away with this man that looked like Stromboli from Pinocchio, but he was like the master magician and Josh was his apprentice.
And that was it. Weird, huh? I told K and C about it. It was just funny to think of Josh as a magician.


So dream number 2. This one happened last night.
So that TV show "House", that I have never seen in my life, yeah I was in it. It was like my life. So I had this hole in my arm that looked like I'd just had a blood test or donated blood, but it never went away, and I constantly had to wear one of those colored tape things around my arm holding a cotton swab there to keep it from bleeding all the time. So Dr. House came and looked at it, and told his assistant/nurse person that there was something he could try, but that I wouldn't like it. He was going to "vaccinate me to death", but then hopefully it wouldn't really kill me.

Then jump forward to like the streets of New York where Ross had to find my crazy zoologist uncle and get a stuffed animal koala bear and bring it to me so that I wouldn't die. Jump back to the hospital- so I was laying on this operating table, and they would give me a shot in the hole-in-my-arm, and then have me read this card out loud to see if I could still function or whatever. Except my voice sounded like Anne Hathaway's... Outside of my room, my sister, aka Jenessa from my ward (what the heck?!) was just like chillin' waiting for Ross to come with the koala plushie. After like 10+ shots, my mouth started to droop on one side and I couldn't control it, kind of like novacaine. Everyone started to freak out and hook me up to all these machines so I wouldn't die... Then Ross showed up with the stuffed koala and all was well again. Except I still sounded like Anne Hathaway. And then Ross was like holding hands and canoodling with my sister/Jenessa and I was really really sad. Like crying status. Then in my head I was thinking like, "what the heck, why did I ever think I had a chance with him?! I should have guessed he was in love with Jenessa this whole time." Even when I woke up, I was thinking that, like super depressed and being sad that Ross loved Jenessa and not me (LOL).

And that was it. Actually, that's not it, I've had weirdish dreams like this for the past like week and a half. In one of them I was like on The Amazing Race/Endurance (hahaha Jaime!! our favorite show!) or something along those lines. Don't really remember that one though. But seriously. They're weeeeeird.

So things are looking up. :)

Valentine's Day was really great. So what if I didn't have a significant other to spend it with?! K was my date (aside from the fact that she has a long-distance bf... Psssh) So pretty much all day I did homework (bleck) until that night when K made Fettuchini with broccoli and chicken. It was divine. Then we, as in me, K, MC, and her date-for-the-day Matt, went to the RHA Dance at the Wilk for all the on-campus housing residents and it was SOOO much fun! We got there, and I found Logan, who doesn't even go to BYU, he just happened to be walking through the Wilk. He came in with us, but then we lost him after like the first 30 minutes or so. Which was sad. Then K went to go eat the yummylicious food that they had in the Garden Room. They had like croissant sandwiches, chocolate fountain, cheesecake, pie in this cookie sheet thing, tons of little fruits and veggies, all kinds of great things.

But I'd come there to dance and that was what I was gonna do. I found MC and Matt and Thane and Dustin (RA) and Carrie Carlson and Elise and Cici and Gracie and Katie and Rachel and danced with them for a while. Then I saw Chase and Collin, Josh's California friends from Helaman. They came over and danced with us for a while too. About 20 minutes after that, Josh and Josh and Andrew showed up! I was pretty surprised because Josh told me they weren't going to come, but apparently their apartment had been taken over by the Warren/H/Chris/Cammie date and it was severely awkward for them just walking around their house. That totally made my night because I love hanging out with those boys! They're just so fun! It definitely made up for the loss of Logan.K eventually came back from eating (lol) and came and danced with us too. So then I ended up slow dancing with Josh and Josh (haha it's funny when they're both together) and Collin, but the fast songs were just so much more fun. It was just one big group hangout. Kinda like old times. We were just missing Chris and Kevin and Heidi and C. But it was still great.

Afterwards, Josh and Josh and Andrew came over to play my new game of Clue. It was SO funny. We had like 25 minutes to play by the time we figured out the new rules, so it was like super-speed-Clue. And we still didn't finish. But Josh (Schmidt) kept on talking in a British accent and making strange faces which was totally hilarious. My favorite part was him talking about the ax (a new weapon in the new version of Clue), except he'd say "ox" because he was trying to be British. After he left, K and I were just laughing our heads off and we were planning to make an ox out of our FHE playdoh for him, but then we forgot. The boys came over the next day too and we ended up playing three rounds of Clue. One of which I won! which never ever ever happens, especially with these people, they're too brilliant. Then we kept eating the candy we had lying around the house and Josh ended up being SOOOO hyper. Then Josh and Josh started imitating the pictures on my Twilight calendar and being superheroes and 'pothead's. It was kind of ridiculous, but just what I needed. I've been entirely too stressed lately.

















Oh!!! And I got a Valentine's Day card from Brayden. :) My mom wanted me to post pictures to
show that he actually is a human being and not a devil child.

Theme song!!! "I'm Not Over" by Carolina Liar
hahaha greatest song EVER.