4/21/09
Today was the beginning of the end. Josh and MB left today. They were two of my very best friends. And I may never see them again. Warren, Heidi, Kenna, and MC are all leaving tomorrow as well, but I’ll see them around next year. But we went to say goodbye to MatthewBean as his mom and brother helped him pack up some final things and clean the house. I started crying. I kind of thought I might, but I was sort of surprised too. And then after he left Aaron and Josh were pseudo-crying because MatthewBean was gone. Except I felt like they were making fun of me for really crying, but they probably didn’t even know I was. And then JoshWallace came over because Kenna was going to cook his halibut for him. After he’d been there a while he asked, “Hey Haley did you say goodbye to Josh?” I panicked. H and I ran over to their apartment while I texted him to see if he’d left yet. JW said that when he left the apartment, Jacque was just doing his cleaning check so he could leave. I finally got a reply.
Josh- 6:27pm “Yeah sorry Haley”
I didn’t reply.
Josh-6:30pm “Are you mad at me?” Because he knows I always text back.
Haley-6:39pm “A little bit. I’m sure you were in a hurry. I’m just sad more than anything.” Biggest lie EVER I was furiously upset
Josh- 6:40pm “I’m sorry Haley. ☹ Maybe I’ll be able to visit sometime.” The second biggest lie ever. I would bet on my life that he won’t even consider coming to visit me.
I didn’t reply.
I just had to sit in my closet and cry. For almost 2 hours. I texted Ross too and told him that he had better not leave without saying goodbye to me. I kind of told him my situation, but sympathy and accurate story telling are hard through texting.
But I can’t remember the last time I cried that hard. Maybe when my parents told me we were moving to Hanford? Or at least at some point during the Hanford experience. Maybe not even then though. I didn’t even cry this much when my grandpa died. This was like intense sobbing. And I couldn’t make it stop. And I looked disgusting.
When Warren came over to say his goodbyes because he’s leaving early tomorrow morning, I had to walk away because I lost it again. Uncontrollable sobbing. But K came and hugged me and that helped.
But seriously. Worst. Day. Ever.
I can’t imagine BYU without these boys.
I’m probably over exaggerating at the moment, but it’s so much easier than facing the truth. I want to live in my past. I want to live my Freshman year again.
Theme songs:
“Why Do All Good Things Come to an End” by Nelly Furtado. Not a good song to prevent crying though.
“If Today Was Your Last Day” by Nickelback. It has my favorite Robert Frost quote in it. The one about taking the road less travelled by. And it talks about leaving your fears behind. Saying goodbye to yesterday and live each moment like it’s your last, but loving your memories.