ohhhhh the woes of being a 20-year-old girl at BYU. all your Freshman friendboys are on missions. boo.

**and just as a disclaimer, I am not romantically interested in any of these boys. they're all just great friends, and fun elders to write.

so, in honor of them {ha, it sounds like they're dead. good thing they're not.}, I'm going to do a post about the boys I write regularly. :)

part of the Superdorm, he's serving in Tucson, AZ. {he's the one holding the gigantic fork. totally typical of Chris.}
he always has the best stories. I feel like every other letter from him is about some druggie or crazy person. the best story I got from him was about an investigator's wife who made him keep a jar of her husband's pee for who knows why. aweeeeeeeesome.
he also writes me about my future husband. a lot. we joke about "Brother Charming" almost every letter. one of these days I'm gonna send him a fake engagement announcement and then he'll be sorry. ha.
but we also have the best, serious conversations too. it's been awesome to see him grow, and I hope he knows how proud of him I am. he's just awesome. and he'll be back next summer also. the end.


his name has always been one word in my mind. it's just one of those names you have to say the first and last parts.
Matthewbean was in the SuperDorm too. his love of Paramore & American Idol solidified our friendship. he's serving in Santiago, Chile. he gave me quite a scare when that earthquake hit, but luckily his parents sent out a  mass email to everyone letting us know he was fine. they've had so many cool service opportunities post-earthquake, and I'm super grateful now he's had this experience.
he usually writes me funny things. we also try to communicate in Spanish sometimes, but I basically just fail everytime. he does really well though. he'll be back next summer too.

Well, so much for Spring. It snowed today. But it sure looks beautiful outside my window right now. Despite the fact that it's probably close to 50something degrees out.

I guess I've sort of put blogging in the very back of my brain after the Blog Fiasco of That One Monday Night. (For deets, ask.)

But I am taking classes this term. Which is definitely a new adventure for me. I'm a Media Law class (blehhhhhhh) that's two and a half hours Tuesday and Thursday nights. Yikes, it's a rough one. Not that the class is boring, I'm just a clock-watcher. And watching the clock for 150 minutes is hard! Plus that gives me waaaay too much time to pick at my ever-growing split ends.

I'm also in a News Reporting class. Basically we are the staff of the Daily Universe. I can't blog/tweet/Facebook about anything I report on until after it's published, and that's been a serious challenge for me. I can tell you I'm on the Baseball beat so I get to report on all the BYU Baseball games... Now, don't start feeling bad for me. I'm actually super excited for it. I am in love with all things baseball (yes ladies, I love baseball for more than just the pants). I'm missing work for a few days and flying to San Fran in July to go to a Giants game with my fam, if that's any indication of my love.
But for this class, I've already written three stories in the first four days. And next week I have four more due- Thursday's my only free day. It's totally insane, but way more fun than any class with readings and tests and studying stuff.

But I'm really glad this is only lasting 7.5 weeks. 6.5 more weeks. This first week's already over. :)

New song! "Half of my Heart" by John Mayer ft Taylor Swift. Despite my not-so love for Taylor Swift, my love for John cancels that out and this song is totally perfect right now. Don't you LOVE it when that happens? Theme songs are the best. :)

Okay. Why I love it so. Other than the fact that it's John Mayer and it's just a good song. Soooo... There's this {boy}. Yes from the Riv ward. (Psh, I don't have friends anywhere else) Anyway, he's just one of those really great guys that everybody loves a little bit. I've had a crinkle on him for a little while now, but really nothing more than that. I think Chantelly even liked him for approximately 3.2 seconds. But one of my really really great awesome sweetheart friends likes him lots and lots. I don't want to like this guy, but I always end up falling for my guy friends. And that makes me sad. So like this song, "Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation. Half of my heart takes time. Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving {him}, with half of my heart."  And I feel like we are way too close of friends for anything to come of this.  Too many people would get hurt or feel weird or left out.

And now he's far away. Like the rest of my friends. But I did get to hang out with some of them twice this week. That was fun. And I'm going back on Sunday night for Game Night.

Ha. But like the last song, "You don't know what you've got till you're missing it a lot. I had to go throw it away. I was wrong from the start from the bottom of my heart, I apologize. What I did to you was hurtful, what I'm going through is hurtful..."

Thank you Erik Hassle and John Mayer for telling my life story. I 'preciate it lots, boys.

This past weekend, I got really sick. With every illness possible, it felt like. First, Friday morning I took a couple ibuprofin without eating anything before hand and I had terrible stomach cramps all morning at work. They pretty much lasted all day, but just not as strong later in the day. Then I had a yucky {head}cold, sore throat, headache, etc., and I lost my voice on Sunday morning. On top of all that, Aunt Flo came for a visit. And the stomach cramping never went away. I really couldn't eat much of anything for about 5 days, and from all WebDM and FamilyDoctor sites, it sounded like a stomach ulcer. So on Tuesday I skipped work and went to the doctor's office. Definitely not as scary as I thought it would be. The doc just gave me this super creepy Harry Potter-ish potion. He told me it was an antacid and numbing agent, but it was bright green and foamy and tasted like chalk and numbed my mouth and throat. About 10 minutes later, I was hungry for the first time in 4 days!!! Oh the miracles of modern medicine. Such a blessing. Anyway I can eat again and all is good again. Well, except the head cold part. That just keeps getting worse. Although I did get out of my MCom oral presentation because I sounded like a man. But my voice is back now so I can officially be a woman again {It was difficult there for a while}. :)


More exciting news, my fam is coming out for General Conference in about a week. And they're bringing Maggie!!! I miss my Magster sooooooooooooooooooooo effing much. She's going to be such good friends with all the other cars in Provo.

So lately, I've had a mild obsession with wedding pictures. It's an odd one that's for sure. This guy has emerged as my new fave. But it's definitely making me excited for my cousin Emmaleigh's wedding in January. :)

Okay..... Maybe I'll get back to working now.

New Music, uh, Thursday? Sorry folks, I stink at this. I haven't found many good new songs lately. But "In My Head" is one of my favorite new-ish dance-y songs. It's only kind of bad.... Ish. Yikes, but I like it so.

Yes I purposefully postponed this post until tonight so I could write about the dance last night. Yes it was fun. Yes we had a great time. Yes he was charming and an awkward dancer sometimes (psh, like I'm not) and cute and wonderful all night. Yes it was everything it should have been.
So I'll give you details. Except they won't be super-mushy-awesome-cutesy details like I normally would have. They're just going to be lame-o details.

So CJ came over at like 7:30 and he, Alyssa and I started making pizzas. We made a cheesy one and a chicken alfredo one. All of our roommates came in and ate our food at about 8:15ish and Paul finally showed up at like 8:30ish. By 8:45ish we left for the dance at Alpine Village. Alyssa and I were GOING to open their doors for them, but all the doors were locked and had to be opened manually from inside the car. So that plan failed. The dance itself was really fun, but like I told Alyssa. The music was pretty decent, the decor was cool, and they had lots of Dr. Seuss-ish cutesy things. They also had Fruit by the Foots (Fruits by the Foot??). Probably the coolest part of the dance, not going to lie. And they had Swedish Fish and more candy and a SLURPEE machine. I only ate one Fruit by the Foot and some candies and I felt sick from the sugar, so I only had a sip of Alyssa's cherry slurpee.

The first slow dance we "accidentally" skipped out on because we were eating Fruit by the Foot, but the second one was fun. I had just gone outside with Alyssa to find a bathroom so my hands were FREEZING. Of course CJ said something about it. And stupid me, I gave some super-lengthy explanation about my bad circulation and how I'd just been outside. Anyway, it was way to lengthy for a normal friendly conversation. The last slow dance was better, but sticky and hot because we'd just had a SUPER long set of really awesome great dancing/jumpy fast songs like "In My Head" by Jason Derulo, "Boom Boom Pow" and "I Gotta Feeling" by BEP, "Just Dance" by Lady Gaga, "Down" by Jay Sean, "Forever" by Chris Brown, "Single Ladies" by Beyonce, etc. We talked about my major, he asked when the summer job I applied for would start, we complained about classes and his job, it was just good friend talk. It was nice for sure.

On the way home, Alyssa and I finally succeeded in opening their doors (although I almost had to fight CJ for it). As they were about to walk us to our door (singular. We live in the same apartment...), someone decided it would be a WHOLE lot less awkward if we just walked them to their doors. Greatest plan ever. So CJ and I walked down the stairs, Alyssa and Paul walked up. Once they got to the top they started stomping and jumping up and down. They blamed it on an earthquake. We had already said our goodbyes and hugged, but we went back up a little bit to spy on their awkward doorstep scene. Nothing cool happened between them though, and I was sad.  But it was a great night overall. Fun people, fun dance, fun times.


Mmmmmmm I just miss MCom. Good thing tomorrow's Monday. I think I'm going to see if he wants to come with us to the Hunger Banquet on Thursday night...

Crushes are so futile and stupid. End of story.

Goal for life: Be bad at falling in love from now on.

First things first. Shout out to the cute guy from MCom. We actually had a full-on conversation on Wednesday. If I wasn't so swamped this weekend slash out of town next weekend, I would totally ask you on a date, MCom boy. Oh, and if I had your phone number. That would be beneficial too. {Although then I might turn into a crazy texting whore like I've done lately. Bleh}

My birthday was great, thanks for asking. :)

Except for now I'm 20. Which is weird. Actually, the only part of it that feels weird is the fact that I have to say I'm 20. Yep that felt weird to type too.

As for the actual birthday-day itself {no I did not stutter, that was for clarification}, it was totally fabulous. I went to work.

Okay that part wasn't fabulous, but just keep reading!

So I went to work, and I was wearing my brand-spankin-new birthday outfit and I looked adorable beyond belief. {As soon as Chantelly uploads her camera pictures, they'll be up here. Ohmygosh can't wAIT!} So then like an hour into my shift, Bryce walked in to the office!! He brought me BYU brownies {the best EVER} and we chatted for a few minutes. It was just really really sweet. Then like 10 minutes after he left, my friend Zack from our same dance class walked in!! He said that Bryce had called him yesterday, told him he was bringing me a birthday surprise at work and asked if Zack wanted to come with because he knew that Zack and I were super great friendlies. Unfortunately Zack was too late & Bryce had a class {that he ended up being 15 minutes late for all because he came to visit me}. It was soooooo wonderful though.

But so all day, I just looked adorable. I sat near Cute Boy in my Life #482 in my one of my classes {I'm not going to say "by" or "across from" because this blog is now open to that class. Sneaky sneaky...} My biology class was ridiculous, and my professor called on me when he asked if he had a favorite word. I said mine was doilie. He laughed. A lot. So did the rest of the 4790 people in the lecture hall. I felt special.

But Bryce. I keep flip flopping. And I hate that. I feel like if I'm leading him on this much, and he's bringing me brownies on my birthday and taking me grocery shopping, I really should, like, pursue something with him. Except I don't really want to... Ehhhhhhhh... I just feel like he's kind of boring for me. Like I could never see us hanging out at a party or in a big social group together. Which is what I hate about liking him. But he's really sweet and really attractive and I love talking to him. Mehhhhh.

I'm teaching the SS lesson on Sunday. Wish me luck.

Okay, so I totally forgot about Music Tuesday until like an hour ago when I went grocery shopping with Bryce. Yikes.

I'm still in love with Michael Bubbles' song {yes I did put Michael Bubbles on purpose}. So we're gonna go back to an old fave.
**PS Bryce and I were talking about favorite music videos, and I was talking about Taylor Swift's Love Story & You Belong with Me. He said his favorite was {get this} Haven't Met You Yet. Yes, it happened. Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

"Ghost" by Parachute is one of the most adorable songs I've ever heard... In a creepy kind of way. Kind of stalker-ish but I love it anyways.

And I'm in an adoring mood... Things with Bryce have become, um, interesting to say the least. I said in a previous post that I had given up on him & I wasn't going to like him... Yeah, that sort of changed on Sunday night. We just had good quality conversations. About practically everything under the sun. Just like our personalities and what we want in life and our families and such. He even started talking about how he is painfully shy a lot of times and he has to think about what he says before he says it {as I mentioned before...} I honestly just thought he struggled with words, but he was actually really cute about it. I don't know what makes admitting a flaw so cute, it just was. And he taught me how to play some chords on the guitar. Always a plus.

First day of classes were fab too. All my professors are hilarious, but Dance 380 is definitely going to be one of my hardest classes. That and Personal Finance. I don't do numbers.

And tomorrow's my birthday! so this is my last post as a teenager. Happy Birthday Me.

Happy 2010!! 


It's really odd to think about the beginning of last decade, 2000, with everyone freaking out about Y2K & exploding technology & stuff. Also I was 9. Weeeeeeeird.

But now my birthday is in 6 days. 6 more days of being a teenager. Well, I've technically been an adult for 2 years, but I'll be out of my "teens" anyways.

Except I went to the dermatologist the other day, & she said that people normally don't grow out of acne till they're 25! I canNOT wait another 5 years to get rid of this stuff. Not that it's horrific, just obnoxious. I'm so ready to be 25 now.

So my New Years Eve. Was weird to say the least. I spent the majority of the day with Sam, my last ex from high school. He had texted me right as I was driving out of Bako after Thanksgiving, asking if I wanted to hang out. Bad timing fo sho. But I said we'd do something over Christmas... So we did. Yesterday we went out to breakfast at Bagels & Blenders, saw that new movie Avatar, & hung out at his friend Javi's New Years Eve party.

I was seriously concerned about the whole event, but it actually turned out really well. It was odd at first, seeing him again after what? like a year and a half, but he looked exactly the same {good or bad, take it how you want}. It was hard to find things to talk about, but after a few minutes talking came easy again. It was good to chat with him, & see how he's doing, but I could tell that he's really lonely. He said, and I quote {or at least, sort of word for word}, "I don't really do much during the week & on weekends I go down to Castaic. It's pretty boring." I don't understand how you can be bored in college! That seems like an oxymoron to me. But staying in Bako after high school is a hard thing to do, especially if you're not in to the whole drugs & alcohol scene. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends either. Not good ones anyways. And he even said that, not me. His friends have always been flaky, & I think he's just now starting to see that. But he's a little too passive to do anything about it slash find any new friends. Not that there are very many to be found in Bako. You either hang out with people from high school {yuck} or find new friends that went to other high schools in Bako & are still living here {mostly druggies & drunks}{double yuck}. Most of the people that stay in Bakersfield have a problem. I think most of them are just homebodies though. Which is sad.

Bagels was splendid as usual. And Avatar was actually really good! I was surprised, because I initially had NO intention of even going to see this movie, the blue people/sci-fi/environmentalist junk kind of turned me off to it, but Sam insisted that I see it. He'd already seen it before, but it was that good he wanted to see it again. Or maybe he just went to force me to go. Either way, it was a good flick. I would recommend it to anyone. The theater we went to is the newest one in town, really clean & classy & huge! And the chairs reclined! Totally brill & wonderful for napping &/or movie watching. Not so wonderful for friendly chats 45 minutes before the movie started because we got there waaaaay too early. But we managed.

But at the New Years Party, the only reason I went was because Sam invited me. And I had absolutely nothing to do for New Years. 

I hate parties.

When I got there, they were playing Strip Poker {mmm goodyyyy...} & one girl I didn't know was down to her shirt {no bra, mind you} & undies. It ended shortly after that, thank goodness, but that girl seemed like kind of a slut anyways. Yes I'm judging, what else was I sposed to do?! My friend Jen Whitty was there too, & I hadn't seen her all break, so it was good to see her, even if she was borderline drunk.

Sam's stepbrothers were there too. I had a pleasant chat with the younger one as we both couldn't get cell service in the house & had to go outside to text. It was actually pretty funny. But while everyone else was drinking, playing beer pong or Twister, smoking weed {thank you California...}, hooking up with other people, I would sit on the couch. Most of the time Sam joined me. It was really nice not to be alone in that awful awkward situation. I hope he felt the same way. But I didn't want to go home because there were a bunch of grownups playing games at my house. As much as my mom said I was welcome to stay home with them for New Years, I would have felt even more out of place there.

With about 30 minutes to midnight, my friends Kjrstin & Theresa showed up from another party. KJ is a crazy party fiend, so I knew I wouldn't see much of her for the rest of the night, but Theresa is very much a non-partier like me so it was good to have her too. But she's really good at ignoring the fact that there's alcohol people are drunk, I'm not. She's around it more at Fresno State though I guess. So she was hanging out with the drunkies a lot more. By 11:45, we had a good group from high school, KJ, Theresa, me, Jennifer, Sara, Javi, Sam, Sam's stepbrother, & Sam's friend Vinny, that weren't too wasted {except Vinny was totally gone, we just talked to him because he was hilarious} & we had a good chat. The countdown itself was full of expletives & crudeness... Whatever, the whole party was. At midnight, more expletives were shouted & the make-outs began. I think Vinny made out with every girl at the party within 5 minutes after midnight, minus Theresa & I. I thought I saw him kissing some dude too.  Theresa & I just kept nervously laughing at everything. The mystery slut girl, the one who was bra-less in poker, was like beyond drunk. She tried to kiss Sam's very underaged stepbrother at one point & everyone at the party suddenly freaked out & stopped her. That was probably my favorite part of the night. But the weirdest part was at midnight, Sam & I both looked at each other from across the kitchen. If there hadn't been crazy make-outs going on between us, I'm pretty sure he would have kissed me. And I might have kissed him back. Because, I'm sorry, everyone wants a New Years' kiss. I've had two boyfriends, and one, uh, Winter break hookup, and I've never had a New Years' kiss. But I told myself, before we even went on our, uh, date? that day to the movie, that I would not, under any circumstances, kiss him. I just don't need that kind of drama in my life, and neither does he. He doesn't need to be dreaming about a girl going to school 500 miles away while he's bored out of his mind in Bako. Because I know he will. And it will suck for both of us.

I left about 20 minutes after midnight. I hugged all my friends goodbye & walked out the back door. When I got out there, I saw Sam had gone through the front door to answer a call & was standing near my car. By the time I got to my car, he had finished his call {ehhhh tricky tricky tricky...}. He hugged me again, but lingered this time in like a half-hug, just looking down at my face. Pretty sure he wanted to kiss me then too. {And if I seem a little overconfident about all these potential kissing situations, I'm not. I dated the dude for nine months, I think I'm allowed to know some of these things.} He said we should hang out again before I left, but if he didn't see me again, he wished me good luck at school. I said I'd see what I was doing over the next two days and maybe give him a call. But in all honesty, Brayden's getting baptized on Saturday, I still have to pack & clean my house for our extended family, & see about 40 other friends before I leave. Although it was nice to see him again and I knew I probly should give him a call, it just wasn't going to happen.

... But he left his jacket in my truck. Plan to force me to see him again? I think so.

Psh I'm so lame. I only ever post about boys. But isn't that what college is for??

I talked to Paul the other day about Bryce. Sometimes I think I'm just WAY to boy crazy and I'll sort of just fall for any boy that gives me the time of day. Which is obviously an awful way to be. I'm really not attracted to Bryce at all. I gave him about a 6.8 on the LOS before our first date, but Chantelle gave him a 8.7. But now that we've gone on a few dates, I'd give him like a 5.4 on the OS (Thank you MBP) And this might sound totally shallow, but Bryce isn't very good at summarizing things. Ever. He pretty much told me the entire plot, in explicit detail, of the first and second Bourne movies. Wow it was bad. Also I feel like talking is really hard for him some times. Like he'll just stop in the middle of sentences for like 2-3 seconds, like he's thinking really hard about what he's going to say next, and then continue talking. WTHeck?! It bugs me SO much.

Don't get me wrong, I think he is one of the sweetest and thoughtful guys I've ever met. And I think he's going to make some girl very happy someday. But it's not me. Like, thinking about dating him exclusively kind of makes me sick to my stomach. Not because I don't like hanging out with him {that's only a very small part of this equation}, I just think about all the other guys I know right now that I wouldn't be going on dates with. And that part breaks my heart. Like Garrett. And Paul. And Mike. And Keaton.. ** Disclaimer: I have no shot whatsoever with any of these guys, they're all just guys I would totally date if they asked. Also most of these guys have never been mentioned before. They're all just minor crushes. :) **

PS I'm back home in Cali now. Finals are over {WOOHOO!} and I didn't fail any of them. Definitely didn't ace them, but I didn't fail either. Although I am fighting with my Comms 101 professor about the grade I got on my final project. C- by butt! I worked WAY harder than anyone else did on that project, and I deserve at LEAST an A-.


Song of the Day: I've bee listening to my Song of the Day playlist while writing this post, and I'm very impressed with the songs I've chosen. And it's been a while, so this has to be a good one... All the Right Moves by One Republic. This song is fabulous, and it makes me think of my kitchen. I listen to this song a lot when I make fettucini alfredo.