Life is full of choices. These are just a few of the ones I make most days.
"Wake up, sleepyhead! Who cares that you only got in bed at like 2:45am, you're a grown up and you have a real grown up job.
To sleep through your alarm, again, and look like a drown rat at work, turn to page 6.
To will yourself out of bed and into your bathroom to put in your contacts so you can start feeling like a human being, turn to page 7.
To wish you had someone to make you breakfast in bed, keep dreaming.
You got dressed, curled your hair, ate a somewhat decent breakfast (if peanut butter toast while driving counts as somewhat decent) and are out the door in a record-breaking 20 minutes. Nice work!
For your 25 minute commute to work, silence is not an option.
To flip between radio stations and risk commercials/DJ chatter, turn to page 12.
To rock out to that sweet new CD you downloaded yesterday on your iPod so you can perfect your American Idol-worthy talent, turn to page 145.
Guess what? The batteries in your iPod/car radio converter doo-dad are dead. Also your throat is still sore from belting the set list from yesterday's drive home. And because you will never buy batteries this century, radio it is.
The DJs talk incessantly. The Hollywood Sleeze and Famous Filth segments are the only things that keep you sane.
To take the freeway(s) to work, turn to page 37.
To take 7th in to downtown, turn to page 122.
This is always the wrong choice. Of course, there are literally 3 accidents in the space of 7 blocks. People clearly do not know how to drive in this state.
You finally made it to the office.
To venture in to the work kitchen and sneakily hunt for snacks, turn to page 18.
To sit and listen to your stomach grumble all morning, because clearly peanut butter toast is not a real breakfast, turn to page 99.
It's Tuesday. Of course there are no snacks in the kitchen. Try again on a Thursday. Today is your unfortunate day to starve.
Once you finally settle in at your desk, it's music time.
To Spotify, turn to page 49.
To listen to iTunes, flip to page 66.
iTunes is usually a safe bet, but you end up listening to all your favorite iTunes songs on Spotify anyway because you love to a) read what your friends are listening to, b) show off your fabulous taste in music, and c) share the totally-applicable-to-your-life-right-now jam your enjoying at the moment and hope your friends are catching the message, too (I never do that, guys).
It's been a long, slow day at work.
To leave work early to take a nap at home, turn to page 55.
To stay until 5:30 because, well, who really knows why, turn to page 31.
Staying a little longer was a really smart idea. Some social media fires came up and you were able to tackle them right away rather than having to deal with it at home hours later when you finally get around to checking those emails. Gold star. You go, Glen Coco.
But now you're starving.
To pick up Pizza Hut on your way home from work because it's only $5.55 for a large one-topping pizza right now, turn to page 87.
To stop by the grocery store to get ingredients for one of your Pinterest recipes, turn to page 90.
To fend for yourself based on what is in your cupboard, turn to page 112.
Ha. That's funny. There's never any real food in your pantry or fridge, so your dinner consists of peas, a handful of pita chips, leftover pasta and melted cheese sandwiches **I literally ate this the other night.
To sit around the apartment with Emily, eating Ben & Jerry's and watching Modern Family/Seinfeld, turn to page 101.
To get your lazy I-hate-exercise butt to Zumba, turn to page 133.
To sit in your hammock on your porch with Emily and look out over your little piece of the world, turn to page 111.
You and Emily magically turned into the coolest girls in the ward overnight because, all of a very sudden, you're hanging out in the hammock, and one by one, all your favorite members of the ward either scale the balcony Flynn Rider style (without the help of giant blonde hair) or walk in your unlocked front door.
After a couple hours of laughing and crazy, embarrassing stories, everyone heads home.
To go to bed at a decent hour, turn to page 151.
To attempt to go to bed but actually play Candy Crush Saga for upwards of 2 hours in your room, turn to page 127.
To have an Emily-Haley debrief and discuss your individual interpretations of what the heck just happened, turn to page 97.
You decide to go straight sleep right after the crowd dissipates (you only got like 5 hours of sleep last night, remember?) and you are attacked and eaten by zombies because of course you are. That's just how all Choose Your Own Adventure books end."
Did everyone ever win these things??? Because I never did.
"Wake up, sleepyhead! Who cares that you only got in bed at like 2:45am, you're a grown up and you have a real grown up job.
To sleep through your alarm, again, and look like a drown rat at work, turn to page 6.
To will yourself out of bed and into your bathroom to put in your contacts so you can start feeling like a human being, turn to page 7.
To wish you had someone to make you breakfast in bed, keep dreaming.
You got dressed, curled your hair, ate a somewhat decent breakfast (if peanut butter toast while driving counts as somewhat decent) and are out the door in a record-breaking 20 minutes. Nice work!
For your 25 minute commute to work, silence is not an option.
To flip between radio stations and risk commercials/DJ chatter, turn to page 12.
To rock out to that sweet new CD you downloaded yesterday on your iPod so you can perfect your American Idol-worthy talent, turn to page 145.
Guess what? The batteries in your iPod/car radio converter doo-dad are dead. Also your throat is still sore from belting the set list from yesterday's drive home. And because you will never buy batteries this century, radio it is.
The DJs talk incessantly. The Hollywood Sleeze and Famous Filth segments are the only things that keep you sane.
To take the freeway(s) to work, turn to page 37.
To take 7th in to downtown, turn to page 122.
This is always the wrong choice. Of course, there are literally 3 accidents in the space of 7 blocks. People clearly do not know how to drive in this state.
You finally made it to the office.
To venture in to the work kitchen and sneakily hunt for snacks, turn to page 18.
To sit and listen to your stomach grumble all morning, because clearly peanut butter toast is not a real breakfast, turn to page 99.
It's Tuesday. Of course there are no snacks in the kitchen. Try again on a Thursday. Today is your unfortunate day to starve.
Once you finally settle in at your desk, it's music time.
To Spotify, turn to page 49.
To listen to iTunes, flip to page 66.
iTunes is usually a safe bet, but you end up listening to all your favorite iTunes songs on Spotify anyway because you love to a) read what your friends are listening to, b) show off your fabulous taste in music, and c) share the totally-applicable-to-your-life-right-now jam your enjoying at the moment and hope your friends are catching the message, too (I never do that, guys).
It's been a long, slow day at work.
To leave work early to take a nap at home, turn to page 55.
To stay until 5:30 because, well, who really knows why, turn to page 31.
Staying a little longer was a really smart idea. Some social media fires came up and you were able to tackle them right away rather than having to deal with it at home hours later when you finally get around to checking those emails. Gold star. You go, Glen Coco.
But now you're starving.
To pick up Pizza Hut on your way home from work because it's only $5.55 for a large one-topping pizza right now, turn to page 87.
To stop by the grocery store to get ingredients for one of your Pinterest recipes, turn to page 90.
To fend for yourself based on what is in your cupboard, turn to page 112.
Ha. That's funny. There's never any real food in your pantry or fridge, so your dinner consists of peas, a handful of pita chips, leftover pasta and melted cheese sandwiches **I literally ate this the other night.
To sit around the apartment with Emily, eating Ben & Jerry's and watching Modern Family/Seinfeld, turn to page 101.
To get your lazy I-hate-exercise butt to Zumba, turn to page 133.
To sit in your hammock on your porch with Emily and look out over your little piece of the world, turn to page 111.
You and Emily magically turned into the coolest girls in the ward overnight because, all of a very sudden, you're hanging out in the hammock, and one by one, all your favorite members of the ward either scale the balcony Flynn Rider style (without the help of giant blonde hair) or walk in your unlocked front door.
After a couple hours of laughing and crazy, embarrassing stories, everyone heads home.
To go to bed at a decent hour, turn to page 151.
To attempt to go to bed but actually play Candy Crush Saga for upwards of 2 hours in your room, turn to page 127.
To have an Emily-Haley debrief and discuss your individual interpretations of what the heck just happened, turn to page 97.
You decide to go straight sleep right after the crowd dissipates (you only got like 5 hours of sleep last night, remember?) and you are attacked and eaten by zombies because of course you are. That's just how all Choose Your Own Adventure books end."
Did everyone ever win these things??? Because I never did.
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